Wise Fart Sayings
A fart is nothing but the lonely cry of an imprisoned turd. (Submitted by LT683)
A fart's a shit without the mess. (from George Carlin, submitted by Painindnek)
If two people are in an elevator and one person farts, everyone knows who did it. (from George Carlin, submitted by Painindnek)
He who farts last is the last one farting. (Submitted by Butter214)
He who farts in church sits in his own pew. (Submitted by Lorie B.) or He who fart in church sit in own pew. (Submitted by Beach)
Fart three times and get a wish. (Submitted by Malachi)
If someone farts in the car, all persons should take three deep breaths and it will all be gone. (Submitted by Dick M.)
Vulcan saying: Only a Klingon would fart in an airlock. (Submitted by BCorri)
Farting is your ass's way of saying "hi" when you forget it's there. (Submitted by Grim.)
It gives two people something NOT to talk about! (Submitted by Grim.)
Flatulence comes from the heart of the body, but the body it comes from is heartless. (Quote by Randy Mehling of Pineville, Louisian, submitted by Chad J.)
Something to say before farting: "My butt has to say something." (Submitted by Amy)
A fart not smelled is a fart
wasted. (Submitted by Rob S., his grandfather's saying)
Things to Say After Farting
According to Kelly F., there is a US Airforce custom of saying, "Howdy!" after farting in flight, to assure one's colleagues that one's intentions are peaceful.
Jimmy K. tells of a friend who says, "Speak to me, oh, toothless one!" Similarly, Bazzbull says, "Speak to me, ol' toothless wonder!" And EHALL says, "Oh, toothless one! Your voice has changed but your breath is still the same!"
TGeaber says, "It's that asshole talking behind my back again!" And Roman K. says, "Did you hear what that asshole said?!" Eimiee2 says, "Some asshole is talkin' shit behind your back."
Gpgo and his frat brothers say, "Oops! A sudden loss in cabin pressure!"
Murray E. sends this account of a response to belching: "Once, when Dorothy Parker was at a dinner, a man burped quite loudly she is reported to have looked at him and said, 'why didn't you use the other end and save your teeth?'"
According to BSneed, after Czechs let out a silent fart, they announce the fact by saying, "Soytka," to let their friends know they might be smelling something. The word refers to a kind of little bird.
According to Rodney Y., his father says after farting, "Speak up, Asshole - Don't take that shit!"
Another father, that of LeNaye, says the following: "There's a kiss for you!" or "The ducks are calling." or "Damn frogs..."
When someone else farts, Mack says, "Oh, stop your bragging!"
According to Chris, the thing to say in northern England after farting is, "More tea, Vicar?"
Ron C.'s father, a Royal Navyman, would say, "Don't worry - plenty for all!"
Bill J. and Matt K. say, "When farts are transported past another while still engulfed in one's pants, one should ask the perpetrator, 'Are you draggin' skags??'"
According to Marci, Rodney Dangerfield said, "Hey, did somebody step on a duck?" in Caddyshack.
According to Brandon P., in Mexico, what you say is, "Reza por tu alma porque tu cuerpo ya esta podrido." This means, "Pray for your soul because your body is already rotten."
Glen B. suggests announcing, "AQA!" which means "air quality alert!"
Joel D. and his college friends say, "Take that, underwear!" or would substitute other victims such as atmosphere, pants, ozone layer, nose etc.
According to Rowan E., in the Australian army one says, "Keep calling, Sir! We'll find you!"
Altond had a high school friend who would say, "Catch that and paint it blue!" And in the army, when a person farted, someone would say, "Colonel who?"
David H. says that before you fart, you should say, "Did you hear that?" and when the other person says, "What?" you let it rip.
If someone else produces a particularly odiferous emission, ifartoften says you should say, "What crawled up in you and died?"
GMR reports hearing this
one in Scotland, "Well, there's no point in having an arse if you can't
let it rejoice in song!"
Thanks Bob :-)