Gerrard Houlier was looking to sign some new players to help Liverpool's title push, so he sent his chief scout to Afghanistan to search for some new talent.
Sure enough, the scout finds an outstanding 18 year old striker and immediately signs him on a 3 year deal.
On getting back to England, Gerrard takes one look at him in training and immediately puts him in the starting line-up for the big home game against Arsenal.
The new lad is fantastic, he scores a hat trick and creates four more as Liverpool romp it 7-0.
Ecstatic after the game he phones his mum to tell her the good news.
"Mum", he says, "I've just made my debut and had a great game. The team loves me, the fans love me and the press love me. Life is great!"
"Well", says his mum, "I'm glad life is great for you. Shall I tell you what happened to us today?.
Your Dad's been murdered in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten in broad daylight, and your brother's joined a vicious gang of killers".
"Mum, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry"
"Sorry?", she yells down the phone, "You're f*cking sorry? It's YOUR fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!!"
