The Perfect Forwarding Email

My  heartfelt  appreciation  goes out to all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank
you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

.................................

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the
 glue on envelopes  -  cause  I now have to go get a wet towel  every time
 I need to seal an envelope.

.................................

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
  Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola
  because I  know  it  can  remove  toilet  stains,  which is  not exactly an
 appealing characteristic.

.................................

I  no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I  could
  be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

.................................

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
   like a water buffalo on a hot day.

.................................

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me
 with a perfume sample and rob me.

.................................

I  no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually
 horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

.................................

I  no  longer  worry  about  my  soul because at last count, I
 have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

.................................

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
  if I forward  an  e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish  within
 five minutes.

.................................

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on
 the internet  who  is  about  to  die in the hospital  (for the
 1,387,258th time).

.................................

I  no  longer  have any money at all in fact - but that will
  change once I  receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
  sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

.................................

Yes,  I  want  to  thank you all so much for looking out for me that
I will now return the favour!

.................................

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 7 minutes,  a  large pigeon with a wicked case of diahorrea  will land
on your head  at  5:00  PM  (EST) this afternoon. I  know this will
occur because it  actually  happened to a friend  of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Please forward this to all of your best friends about this page: