For those who already have children
past this age, this is
hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not
yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.....
Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing
Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw
the ball up a few times
before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's
already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the
movies.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old.
11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response
time to my house.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.